Ego's and Marathon's Don't Mix....

today i attempted to run 16 miles at our weekly long run...

let me clarify...

today... after only working out in the gym (and even that was sporadic)...

when the last time i did a long run was at 8 miles (and that was pretty rough)

when even by 9am it was 80 degrees plus outside with killer humidity (keep in mind for the last 2 months i've been running in air conditioning)...

not only did i think i could complete the 16 mile long run...

i thought i could do it at 13min per mile instead of our normal 14:30 min per mile training pace... and at a 4:2 run:walk ratio (you run for 4 minutes and then you walk 2 minutes) instead of the 3:2 run:walk ratio we were supposed to run today (usually we run 3 minutes and walk 1 minute but since this was our first major long run we were supposed to extend the walk to 2 minutes)

apparently i forgot that oh so crucial lesson i learned the day we did our initial 3 mile timed run...

theres no room for ego when your training for a marathon... and there is certaintly no room for not preparing your body for the major shock to your system that 10+ mile run's cause to it...

you see... i figured that since my body is still relatively young and vibrant.... and since my endurance was still relatively high... i could just make that 8 mile leap in distance and it would be all good!

oh... how wrong i was...

but even after mile 4 i knew i was in trouble.... i was having a hard time breathing and my body was hurting... but so much of all of this is a mental battle... so i just convinced myself that in another couple of miles the pain would leaven out and i'd be fine...

not quite...

by mile 5-6 i was dying... i knew there was no way i physically could run the 3-4 more miles to the end of the southside lakeshore running path... and then actually be able to make it back to the running site (another 6 miles)....

but i kept pushing myself... i didn't want the people in the other groups to see me fail... my pride didn't want to admit that the other two in my running group were in much better shape than i was... so i kept mentally harassing myself like... you have to finish, you have to finish, you have to finish...

it was all ego....

so finally... at mile 8... i admitted to myself and to my group that i needed to turn back... and today i completed 12 miles...

and actually... i'm really proud of myself..

first i'm proud that i actually made it back to the run site... my whole body was in so much pain i thought i was going to collapse... i was so out of breath and out of sorts... it was clearly a miracle that i got back safely... lol...

second... i'm proud that i was finally able to get over my ego and stop.... i'm infamous for pushing myself until i collapse... and as much as others may view this quality as "strength" or "dedication" its really just foolishness and ego in disguise... i wasn't out there pushing myself because i had put in the necessary work beforehand and knew i could do it if i tried hard enough... i was out there because i wanted to prove to everybody else that i could...

but this last year has been a life altering one... and i've learned that only by having enough humility to know your limits can you actually succeed in a way that is both healthy and sustainable...

third...i'm proud that i was humble enough to go to the running coach and ask for help. they had asked over and over again if those of us that had been missing long runs wanted to adjust our training schedule to something that was more manageable... and i kept brushing them off.

today i was able to let it go and admit to him that not only had i struggled on the run... but i hadn't been handling my business as far as training goes in general... not only was he understanding... but he was kind... and put together a training schedule for me that will get me back on track in no time at all...

and don't get me wrong... there is a way in which ego can be necessary in [very] small doses. because after all... your ego has to be pretty healthy to actually believe that you can run 26.2 miles in the first place LOL... and when your hitting mile 18 and you can't possibly imagine making it to mile 26... its definetly going to be your ego's need to finish after 5 months of training that will get you to the finish... ultimately... everything [in life] seems to be about balance...

so even though my body is suffering... i'm happy, motivated and excited about the runs to come... not only am i getting stronger but my spirit is getting healthier to!

peace.